Do you find that "being self-absorbed" is often used interchangeably with the concept of selfishness? I am beginning to perceive mistake as a serious linguistical error and potentially detrimental oversight...
Self-absorption can be equally positive and beneficial to others, just the same as it can be detrimental, in the wrong hands or heart.
A true bad apple is a bad apple all around. There are many layers and variables to consider when it comes to dangerous personality types. Self-absorption alone is not the culprit, and by itself, it is likely completely benign. This is not a Spooky or red-flag character trait, as much as one might think.
Here, I would like to argue that society would actually be better off if more people were "self- absorbed." Please read on for fair consideration prior to discounting this unusual perspective. Of course, there are many different strands of self-absorption to be considered here. My point is that not all of them are bad. In fact, there are many healthy ones to acknowledge...
5 Potential Benefits to Society: Why being Self-Absorbed *could actually be a Good Thing
Reason #1: You may be less likely to be highly intrusive or judgmental.
Why? Because you are very busy minding your own business, instead of being nosey or judgmental of others; inappropriately inserting yourself into other people's personal matters.
Reason #2: You may be less likely to be passive-aggressive, manipulative, controlling of others and resentful towards others.
Why? Because you likely take full responsibility for your wants, needs, goals, successes, shortcomings and overall happiness.
Reason #3: You may be more likely to be able to contribute to society in meaningful and productive ways.
Why? Because you are likely highly focused on your personal goals, your self-development & self-improvement processes. Instead of waiting on others to fix your problems or make you happy, you are building the life you want. You are working towards reaching a level of stability, in which you are able to contribute and give back to society in an intentional manner. You have invested in yourself, your career and your businesses and have obtained abundance, whether it be of time, money, wisdom, resources, connections, etc. You are not helpless, nor are you trapped in a victim-mentality mindset. You are empowered, and empowered people naturally seek to empower and serve others.
Reason #4: You may be more likely to secure healthy relationships and therefore less likely to contribute to the pervasive misfortune of passing down cycles of abuse, neglect, infidelity, and the related psychological ramifications that come with being raised in an unstable home environment filled with toxic relationships.
Why? Because if you are the type of person who puts your needs and wellness first (over people-pleasing or settling for a toxic relationship out of pure loneliness). You are more likely to have boundaries and standards for how you will be treated in a relationship and more likely to understand (and act on) the truth that you have the option to leave at any point. You do not settle for abuse and mistreatment out of desperation, loneliness or insecurity.
This also means you will more successfully maintain improved mental health and maintain the ability to be more effective, kind and loving in every other area of life because you are not weighed down, burnt out or distracted by the severe stresses that come with unhealthy, abusive, codependent, toxic relationships.
Reason #5: You may be better positioned to identify and maximize your natural strengths, as well as discover your specific purposes and unique callings to serve others.
Why? It takes an advanced level of self-development, self-commitment self-care, self-improvement, self-love, self-study and self-awareness to achieve this greater level of self-realization and self-actualization. This high-level spiritual accomplishment requires many years or hours or of solitude, self-discovery and focus! A certain level of self-absorption or self-immersion is absolutely required here.
The old saying goes, you can't take care of anyone else until you take care of yourself.
Flight attendants are required to remind us to put our own oxygen mask on first, before trying to save others in an emergency.
We live in a very mentally and psychologically unhealthy society and we have done it to ourselves. We lack self-control and self-trust in making appropriate decisions in our daily human interactions, both big and small.
Toxic relationships and various kinds of abuse are glorified in trending Netflix Series. We are addicted to stories of drama, adultery, scandal, masochism and sadism for entertainment purposes, while remaining completely unaware of the fragility of our subconscious minds and the neuroplasticity of our brains.
Desensitization to violence, abuse, immorality and perversion has allowed us to adapt to and survive through the gravest of times and circumstances. However, in easier & better times, we continue on to recklessly entertain ourselves with the violence of horror and crime films from the comfort and security of our modern day living, simply to feel an adrenaline rush. (There are many healthier ways to experience an adrenaline rush. Try working on something you were born to do for this world.) Some of us leave the parental controls of our children's media exposures unrestricted, and then we act surprised when mass shootings, murder and sexual perversion are on the rise.
The bible says that "thou shall love thy neighbor as thy self." The problem here is that most of us don't love ourselves. So many unaware humans are walking around broken, full of self-hatred, self-loathing, self-resentment and insecurity, and then take it out on those around them, without even realizing it. I have witnessed even the most "good," well-intentioned, "religious" people as unconscious victims to this.
My proposed solution: More of the "good strand" of self-absorption, not less!
Why? Because being disconnected or detached from ourselves, our thoughts and our emotions, and deprivation of our wants and needs, leads to much more violence and despair than mere "self-absorption" ever did. Denying that we have any needs is a survival mindset that was created from trauma. It is not the definition of being "selfless." Please who pretend to not have any needs are typically the ones with the greatest amount of chronic, unresolved, bottled-up, eventually explosive and unpredictable anger. We are humans, not robots. Suppressing emotions is not healthy. They will eventually come out some way, somehow.
If we all spent more time working on ourselves, discovering and utilizing our natural born strengths and passions, the world would be a much safer and more peaceful place.
Keep this in mind as you break out the old horror films for Halloween and then judge single people as having "too high of standards" or being "too self-absorbed" when they decide to wait for the right partner and the right timing to commit to something serious.
For those who are not aware...
Many of us "single people" are simply too busy climbing our personal success ladder to stop and scoop up a deadweight liability relationship along the way. We are happy keeping to ourselves and will only join forces with the right match, at the right time.
We are typically well-versed in practicing self- discipline and patience as we work steadily towards our goals in many different categories. Acquiring, building and successfully maintaining a healthy relationship, once we have enough time and attention to give to a potential partner, is something that we take seriously. We are not desperate. We respect ourselves and those around us.
We believe that good things come to those who wait, and we are not going to go out of our way to force improper timing, whether it be a relationship, a business transaction or a career move.
Comment below if you agree! :)
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