Typically, I advise doing the latter, not the former. Every scenario is different, though. Burning anything down to the ground is a serious move. Especially when it is your only pathway back to something. Let's learn how to assess our situations and be smart about it, so that we can live without regret.
How often have you heard people give the following advice?
"Never burn bridges; you never know when you might need that connection again!"
I have heard this many times.
My reaction: *long pause* Mmmkay
Let's break this down, because it is not a blanket statement that applies to all circumstances. Use this advice with caution! There are so many layers here, it is important to understand when it may be appropriately applied to your situation.
If we are talking about generally treating all people with respect and ending a relationship or job in a mature way, without getting petty and aggressive towards the opposing party... then YES. By all means. "Don't burn the bridge." I would agree with this advice. Don't burn any bridges for that matter. It's really not necessary. Simply communicate that this relationship/conversation/job position is no longer working for you. Thank them for their time. And walk out the door. Leave the drama out of it!
Contrarily, some people who give this advice, are indicating that you should keep the door open, just in case you don't find better. I do not advise or agree with this. This is for the doubters. Ye of little faith. I can't relate and I am strongly against this kind of advice. If you leave something, it should be for a good reason. And the reason should be serious enough to prevent you from returning, in most situations.
Now, of course there are exceptions here! Everyone's path is different. Sometimes, God may bring you full circle. For those who ended up marrying their high school sweetheart after years of being apart or becoming the CEO at a previous company they worked at, these individuals*may* advise you differently. There are many stories of people taking a long break from a job or relationship and then returning with great success. This is wonderful when it happens, but it is not the situation for all of us. I would argue that for many of us, when we leave a toxic relationship or job, and when we don't find better immediately.... OR better is more challenging than we expected---we run back to what we were comfortable with. I am here to remind you that said door was likely closed for a reason and was not supposed to be reopened. We simply lacked the faith, patience or discipline to grow and move on properly.
This is why I often cringe at the "never burn a bridge" advice. I feel many of us can latch onto it as an excuse to go running back to toxicity due to a need for instant gratification, a lack of self-worth, comfortability in our misery and so much more.
Sure, leave every job, relationship, transaction, interaction on good terms-- if you can. If you can't, at least know that you did your best. This practice should be the obvious, mature thing to do. But also consider that certain ties in life need to be cut. Especially if you have a habit of crossing back over the wrong bridges and failing to leave your past behind.
That's my spiel on burning bridges. Now, bridges are usually connecting two towns, or states, or simply one side of a town or state, to another. The point is, you're really not traveling that far when you cross it. Whether you decide to burn the bridge or not, may not be that big of a deal.
My travel patterns are different. I am not typically faced with bridges on my journeys through life. Most of my personal or career moves are akin to crossing an ocean; leaving one country behind for a new land. This is where the "burning of ships" conversation comes into play. When leaving a country which has been all you know, for a new land that you have never been to, you better be sure about your decision. You may not be able to predict all of the things you are about to encounter, but you have an idea because you have done your research, and you are ready for all of it --the good and the bad! You are certain this new place is where you want to be, and you are okay with every possible worst-case scenario, because you know that know matter what, it will be better than the place you are leaving.
I always stay in my country of origin (job/ career/ relationship/ city/ school, etc.) as long as humanly possible. I do everything in my power to make it work and to squeeze out every lesson I possibly can while I am there. When faced with issues, both big and small, I study, propose, implement, re-evaluate and re-adjust every possible strategy to make it better for myself and my fellow people/ or the other parties involved. I pray, wait, research, watch, seek counseling, and give it everything that I've got.
There comes a point, however, where one needs to recognize that they just don't belong. They are not the right fit [for the job, business, relationship, group.] Everyone else is not willing to change, nor are they concerned about improving the situation. Everyone else is content with the status quo. This is when it is time to plan your exit strategy. When you have done all you can to make the best of it, and yet your sanity remains severely at risk on a daily (or even hourly) basis.
Knowing when you have truly reached this point, is key. I would not advise leaving your country for an unknown land, until you are absolutely sure about your decision. This means you have exhausted all of your options, and you are no longer able to live like this. Your health is being negatively impacted. Something needs to change. And that something is your location. Every alternative plan has failed.
When you decide to take the big leap of faith and you have reached 100% certainty that you can live with this major move, no matter what it brings....
When you finally reach the shore of the new land (job, relationship, singleness, state, country, city)...and you look back at all you have escaped and how far you have come...
I highly recommend burning the ship you traveled over on.
(FIGURATIVELY, Y'ALL- I am not promoting arson or destruction of actual property or transit).
Why burn the ship? Because you know you are where you are supposed to be. Even if it's only for a season. You know you will only move on to newer and better from here. And you are equally certain that you will never go back to the place you left. You are sure that door has been closed for a reason. You are thankful for your newfound freedom and excited about all of the future opportunities this new path will lead you to.
Burn the ship so that when it does get hard, or you get scared, or have moments of self-doubt, it will be logistically difficult to go back on your promise to yourself. Take the necessary precautions to make certain that you will never return to that place of bondage. This may mean disconnecting from certain coworkers or mutual friends. Protect your freedom and forward movement at all costs.
Burn the ship!! A new life and a new world await you. It won't be perfect, but it will be perfect for you...
Me, taking one last glimpse of the smoke and the remnants of my ship. Comment if you are with me!
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