Mother's Day was yesterday. Many of us were with family. I overheard many conversations this weekend while out shopping, at appointments and with friends regarding various plans for Mother's Day.
Everyone has a different way of celebrating this special day. However, I think many of us face the same dilemma. How do we ever come close to thanking Mom for all she has done?
To me, any attempt feels embarrassingly insufficient and sometimes makes me feel like there is nothing I can do at all, to come even close.
I know many mothers say again and again, that they "don't want anything for Mother's Day." Hearing this over and over may contribute to a decrease in our efforts over time. I would advise being careful to not fall down this slippery slope! I am here to argue that we should go against our mother's expressed wishes here. I know that is a scary thought sometimes. We know better than to do the opposite of what mom says. However, I think Mother's Day is a good exception to this rule. She really can't be mad at us for getting her flowers or chocolate!
My assessment is as follows:
Most moms are simply in selfless mode 24/7. There are very accustomed to putting everyone else's wants and needs before their own, for many years at a time. They are the champion caregivers. As a result, many have likely forgotten how to receive. Maybe they have been ignoring their own wants and needs to the extent of even forgetting what they are...
Next time, Mom says she doesn't want anything for Mother's Day...
1) Do not listen to her!
What she means is, she doesn't want to have to ask for anything because it seems selfish and feels awkward to her. She does not fulfill her motherhood duties to receive gifts on Mother's Day each year.
I don't think there are many mothers in the world who would be upset if they received a heartfelt card from their kids, or a beautiful plant or bouquet of flowers. I also think, many of them would love a quality time date, even if it has to be by phone or by zoom. Also, there are few humans who do not like food. You cannot go wrong with the basic plan of taking mom out to eat or cooking for her.
2) Know your Mom!
It is very helpful, to know your mother's love language. Does she prefer quality time or gifts? This is an important differentiation to be aware of. I think most moms could use some words of affirmation as reassurance that all of their efforts are noticed and appreciated. Even if words of affirmation is not their primary love language. It is likely they do not get enough thank you's throughout the year because it is really difficult to keep up with providing an adequate amount as their children. Acts of service is another one to pay attention to. Maybe your mom just wants help with stuff that needs to be fixed around the house, or yard work that is piling up. Maybe she could use some help getting a new piece of furniture home. Some moms may be very hesitant to ask for help with these things, because they don't want to feel like a burden. They are used to figuring it out and doing everything themselves, or just going without.
3) Anything is better than doing nothing!
When in doubt, or when all else fails, at minimum, go with a heartfelt card, a beautiful plant and mom's favorite snacks or hand lotion/candle scent. If your budget is tight, and you're out of time, do not skip this small gesture to let her know you are thinking of her and appreciate her. Do not beat yourself up when you feel like it's not enough. Just make an effort to continue to learn her primary love languages and speak them throughout the year. Some years, you may be able to splurge more than others and get her tickets to a favorite concert or a massage therapy gift card, or even buy her a trip. It is okay that you cannot do these things every year. Mom understands that. All she really wants is probably a hug and more frequent phone calls from you.
Disclaimer: I am a plant mom and a dog mom but not a human mom, so I am writing from an unexperienced perspective, from that standpoint. However, my inspiration for this post comes from my mom, who is the greatest mom in the world. I often feel awkward on Mother's day and (father's day) because I do not know how I can ever repay or express my gratitude to my parents, for all that they have done. I am learning to not panic and feel inadequate and then fail to execute even the most basic gestures of appreciation. And I often vow to find ways to be a better daughter throughout the year, as I focus on trying to speak their primary love languages more frequently. I am still a major work in progress and have a long way to go. I hope this post is helpful to others who feel similarly inadequate on this day.
Shoutout to the best parents ever!!!!!!! I love you Mom and Dad!!!! Hugs and kisses!!
To all the mothers out there, you are appreciated!
Comments