top of page
Writer's pictureChristina Mariani

If You Can't get into Church or Therapy... Try Taking out the Trash Instead!

Updated: Jan 30, 2023



For those of us who may struggle with getting into therapy or church, I recommend two alternative ways to start healing your mind, spirit and soul, today.


#1 is getting out into nature as much as possible. Feel the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze wrap around you like a hug.


#2 is taking out the trash. We will elaborate on this one.


I'll add a bonus...


#3 Listening to really positive, encouraging, uplifting, music or podcasts.


#4 (Okay, I just have to add one more) Exercising. Any form of it that you truly enjoy: i.e. dancing, rock climbing, biking, kayaking, etc.


Now some churches and therapists may get mad at me for this one. They may say that nothing can replace church and/or therapy. This could be true in many instances, especially given each individual's wide range of specific needs.


I am a HUGE proponent of therapy as a basic form of self-care and growth for all human beings, regardless of history of trauma or presence/absence of a mental health diagnosis. And I believe church can be valuable, as well-- to a certain extent.


However, if location, budget, schedule, or other constraints are making it impossible for you to get into church or therapy, I'd say that the 4 alternatives listed above are excellent ways to seek healing for your mind, body and soul, without delay!


I, personally, have Pitbull therapy, in high doses, as a large part of my treatment plan. This is where I go and surround myself with as many Pitbulls as possible and we cuddle and play all day! There is nothing more healing to my soul.







This post is focused on Healing Hack#2: Taking out the Trash!


In celebration of May, as Mental Health Awareness Month, this is a perfect topic to discuss. The sun is finally shining, flowers are blooming everywhere, and we can finally enjoy the outdoors after a long winter and a devastating couple of years. Spring cleaning can feel so good as the weather breaks, and we are finally freed from being couped up inside through some especially cold and isolated times!


Not only is taking out the trash good for your mental and spiritual health, but it is also, what I like to call, Step One in interior design, for beginners. Before you even begin to worry about finishes, color palettes, and furniture, the first step is removing all the junk you have likely accumulated. Step Two is learning to maintain a [mostly] clutter-free environment, so that no laundry, garbage or misplaced items will be covering up and distracting the eye from your soon-to-be, well-designed space! It's difficult to pretend your place is on the cover of Architectural Digest, if it's always a mess... That's what I tell myself to stay motivated when I don't feel like putting away my pile of shoes after a busy couple of days.


I have a few obsessions in life. Most of them have become the main topics for this blog.


Taking out the trash is one of them. I am OBSESSED.

Friends, family, and potential roommates or life partners should be aware!


Beware and hold your sacred items near and dear, because I say, "when in doubt, throw it out!" (OR sell, donate, recycle-! I am all for recycling and reducing waste to begin with, but that is not the focus of this post.)




There is so much joy and satisfaction to be found in throwing stuff away. (Marie Kondo would agree.) In my mind, I am always cleaning out the stuff that no longer suits me, while making room for the greater things to come. Each personal item is attached to a memory of some sort, and therefore, I am letting go of the past, as I dispose of said item. Even if it was a good memory! If the attached person, place, or thing, no longer has a place in my present or future, I am able to let the item go with peace and satisfaction, knowing that it served its purpose and it was a wonderful experience while it lasted.


*Obviously, I am not referring to sentimental objects related to a deceased loved one, or gifts from a long-distant friend, etc. I am mainly referring to things that I have outgrown; things that no longer suit me; and more specifically, items that subconsciously remind me of darker times, like unpleasant places of employment, and dead-end relationships. Not every person or opportunity is meant to last a lifetime. Make it a point to appreciate each season and seek the true purpose of every interaction and experience. When you are able to identify a potentially short-term purpose or quick lesson-learning experience early on, it is much less devastating when it finally comes to an end.



Here I am, happily shedding a few more pounds of toxic waste from my life. My goal is to always travel as lightly and as freely, as possible. I don't want anyone or anything weighing me down or slowing me down, on my journey through life- IF I can help it.


I am a firm believer in living by 2 rules, (which I have created for myself and follow religiously). See details below to determine if you could benefit from them as well.


#1 NO CARRYING DEAD WEIGHT

#2 NO GOING BACKWARDS IN LIFE


Both apply to every area and facet of life, big or small.


When it comes to #1 NO CARRYING DEAD WEIGHT, that means...


I focus on carrying my own weight, which is what I was built to do. This means I take good care of myself and focus on making sure all of my needs are independently met. I am responsible for my happiness, I am responsible for financially supporting myself and the life I want to live, I am responsible for identifying and pursuing my passions and purpose.


Ladies, we are physically built to carry ourselves and our babies. Not adult children and not grown and healthy men, who are bigger and stronger than us. They are too heavy. That's how we end up injured/ hurt.


We are also not built to carry any other able-bodied, sound-minded adults. And when I say "carry," I mean taking on a long-term caregiver, motherly, enabler-type role with someone who does not need any of that. Many of these individuals don't even ask or expect to be treated this way. We just take it upon ourselves to assume this role, for many personal reasons.


*I want to be clear in that I am not referring to helping loved ones who are in need or carrying a friend or mentee through a tough time, just like others have done for you. This is not an instance of carrying deadweight. There is a big difference here, which I hope is easy to recognize.


Why should you make an effort to not carry any deadweight?


Because when I focus on carrying my weight only, it is not too much. Therefore, I am not burnt out. I am able to focus on being the best I can be, which benefits everyone around me and society as a whole. This also frees me up to donate my time and energy to specific causes and human beings, which and whom I am called to serve. I am not so busy and exhausted from carrying around fully-capable adults, that I miss my actual calling. No piggyback rides here, unless you are my niece! This includes coworkers, supervisors, friends, family, S.O.'s; no one is an exception.


Why carry the team, or a partner, the entire way to endzone, when there is no effort from the others involved? That extra weight is slowing you down. Do your part and leave it at that. Don't try to overcompensate for anyone else's consistent lack of effort. This concept is taking me back to those dreaded group projects in school... when your grade is dependent upon a bunch of lazy peers who you did not choose to work with. Except for in adulthood, many of us end up drawn to similar situations, when we do have a choice. Every relationship and partnership is a two-way street. Don't be in one where you are single, i.e, by yourself on everything. Trust me, if you are going to be single in the relationship or business partnership, be actually single. It's a lot less work!!


The NO DEADWEIGHT rule may sound harsh or uncompassionate on the surface. However, I believe it's as basic as vowing to not be an enabler and not allowing yourself to be used. It's about having boundaries and knowing your self-worth. There are many people who could benefit from adopting these 2 rules, as mentioned above. I see so many of my fellow humans running around exhausted, carrying weight that isn't even theirs to carry. It is our duty to meet our own needs first, that way our cup runneth over, and we are able to give freely to others, without resentment or ulterior motives at play. This is how one can find the time and energy that is needed to identify and fulfill our purposes in life.





Why would anyone choose to carry around a bunch of dead weight?


Unfortunately, some of us are in the business of adopting fully-capable adults, to give ourselves a sense of purpose. We tell ourselves we are meeting their needs first because we are so selfless, when in all actuality, we focus our attention on fixing them, (and manipulating them) so that we can blame them for our unhappiness. This is so that we can avoid taking responsibility for our failure to meet our own needs. I know you probably don't want to hear this and you may be completely unaware that you are actually doing this. You could be a very well-intentioned person who is completely oblivious to your own layers of emotional pain and negative/ codependent coping skills. Please don't get defensive. And don't beat yourself up. You probably inherited these behaviors from the adults or older friends/siblings who primarily raised you. You can seek help from positive influences to change these behaviors around.


🛑Stop neglecting your wants and needs! That is why you are unhappy and it is your responsibility to fix this, no one else's. You don't have to figure it out by yourself. It is okay to ask for help!



Rule #2: NO GOING BACKWARDS IN LIFE


Nobody takes the trash out, and then goes back and digs stuff out to keep (unless you lost a very valuable item in your carelessness).


When you let go of something, be sure about it, so that you never look back and question that you made the right decision. I know; this is easier said than done. It takes practice and may take years of therapy to learn to trust your decision-making skills, depending on the environment you grew up in.


There is no need to be perfect at this right away. Just keep it in mind as an overall goal.


I don't go back to old jobs or old relationships. I just don't. It's a rule I have, and it's how God made me. I am always moving forward and growing from every experience. I exhaust every lesson out of every experience, and I pray and do everything possible to make it work, before I let something go or shut the door. Once I let it go, I am confident that I did all I could to salvage what was left and it simply wasn't meant to be. Overall, I am an efficient-focused person. I hate backtracking, even when it comes to travels of any length. I move very slowly and very strategically, but always forward. Even if its a millimeter at a time, I make sure, I will never have to take a step backward, because I am 100% confident in every decision that gets me a millimeter further towards my goals. Slow and steady wins the race! This does not mean I don't make mistakes or experience failures. I am a hands-on-learner and actually learn the best through mistakes, failures, trial and error. I don't consider any of these things setbacks. They reposition me closer to where I need to be and propel me forward at a faster pace. Each one is filled with divine purpose and golden nougats of wisdom that prepare me to succeed at the next level.


Again, everyone is different. And God made everyone very unique. None of our paths are meant to look the same. Some people are meant to return to old jobs or old relationships. They may have excellent testimonies and advice to share in that realm. I can only share from my own experiences. The main takeaway here is to KNOW THYSELF, LOVE THYSELF, and BE CONFIDENT in every step that you take--- EVEN when you miss a step or appear to fall down a flight of stairs. I laugh it off and catch the elevator all the way to the top before anyone can get a word in.


I pray this post leaves you feeling inspired and motivated to do the things you have been putting off! Comment your thoughts and feel free to leave advice or more tips for your fellow readers.

16 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page